Postpartum Euphoria: Being pushed past my limit and how it changed me
Postpartum and euphoria aren’t usually used in the same sentence. We hear so much negative relating to the postpartum phase. Depression, anxiety, hair loss, body image issues, the list goes on, and sadly, those things are very real and common experiences for new mothers, but, it’s not the only type of postpartum experience.
Sunrise walk the morning I went into labour
January 2019 my husband and I decided it was time to try for a baby. After years of infertility, hormonal treatments, surgeries, multiple losses and rounds of IVF, we welcomed our son Owen into the world on the 27th February 2023. During our fertility struggle it felt like there was a dark cloud over our lives, we felt helpless waiting for a baby to join our family and we felt a deep hurt in the acceptance that we may never be parents.
Nick and I have always been reasonably adventurous. We love to hike, camp and travel and we decided that a good distraction from our fertility journey would be to start a YouTube Channel. It was the perfect thing to keep us focussed on doing the things we love. We always suspected that one day if we were lucky enough to be parents, that we may not be able to adventure like we used to but as soon as Owen was born, that sentiment couldn’t be further from the truth
The Birth:
It’s no secret that birth is hard work and I do believe no matter how your child comes into the world, it’s still an overwhelming and challenging day. On the day I went into labour (at nearly 42 weeks pregnant) I woke up at 5am to go on a sunrise walk, by 1pm I knew I was in labour and by 8pm we were at the birthing suites.
Unfortunately, Owen was posterior meaning his back was along my back…. This is not the ideal position for birth and added to the pain I experienced, however, not once did I ask for pain relief, why? I’m not sure…. I just kept saying “you can do anything for a minute.”
My almost water birth
At about 10am the following day I was in the bath and pushing, I could feel Owens head when I reached down but after some time, he still wasn’t out. The midwife moved me to a birthing stool for examination and found that my cervix had begun to swell and Owen was stuck.
By this point, I was involuntarily pushing and I had to stop, so in what felt like a moment, my dream birth begin to unravel. Because I couldn’t stop pushing, I needed an epidural (being fully dilated, trying not to push, having contractions what felt like every 10 seconds and getting an epidural was not an experience I would like to re live).
Putting on a brave face (but there were some tears here)
Unfortunately Owen started to deteriorate, manual attempts to turn him failed and I was rushed off to theatre being told I have a 50% chance of needing to be put under a general anaesthetic and at this stage my only options were a ventuse (or vacuum birth) or an emergency caesarean. We tried the vacuum first and unfortunately it didn’t work, by this point, we had to get Owen out fast so a frantic emergency Caesarian was performed, Owen was born using forceps and I lost a litre of blood.
Owen wasn’t even fully out and he was crying, sheer relief and for a moment, we forgot we still didn’t know the baby’s sex! ITS A BOY! It was 4pm and I hadn’t slept in 35 hours, the sheer relief I felt when I saw Owen was ok made me instantly incredibly drowsy but I didn’t get to sleep until 6am the following day! I spent 49 hours awake, absolutely pushed to the brink of exhaustion and emotionally spent….. yet I felt, euphoric? HOW!?
The best feeling in the world
The Euphoria:
Despite my incredibly traumatic birth, I somehow didn’t feel traumatised and I am so thankful for that. Instead I felt invincible, I felt complete, I felt like there was nothing I couldn’t do.
As the months went by, I waited for this feeling to wear off….. sleepless nights, challenging days, sickness, life commitments….. none of it seemed to rain on my parade. There was clearly something about being pushed so far past what I thought my limits were that unleashed something incredible. All of a sudden, I felt like I could skydive, run an ultra marathon, swim with sharks, …..you name it! Can I do all this? Who knows but something inside me tells me “absolutely you can!”
I had expected to tone it down when it came to adventures as a parent but honestly, I hope to be a role model for our son and try my best not to sit on the sidelines. Life is about embracing the unexpected and finding strength in adversity. It showed me that motherhood isn't a limitation but an opportunity for growth and adventure.
Best friends
The Takeaway:
My experience with postpartum euphoria has taught me invaluable lessons. It showed me that strength often emerges from moments of vulnerability and that joy can be found even in the midst of chaos. As I continue my journey of motherhood, I hope to instill in Owen the same sense of fearlessness and determination that I've discovered within myself.
In conclusion, postpartum euphoria is a transformative experience that deserves recognition. It's a reminder that amidst the challenges of childbirth and parenthood, there is also immense joy and strength to be found. So, to all the new mothers out there, I encourage you to embrace the unexpected joys of postpartum euphoria. Let it be your guiding light as you navigate the beautiful chaos of motherhood.
I want to say a special thank you to the team at JHH MGP especially my incredible Midwife Jodean. The reason I didn’t suffer birth trauma is because of your incredible care and I will be forever grateful.
